You may be familiar with bipolar syndrome. It is a diagnosis for a person who has episodes of abnormal energy levels (mood swings) in extreme polar opposites.
Men often portray a (tough) guise as we learn from Jackson Katz. Men need to illustrate their manliness by posturing, stoicism, and dialogue (via ‘The Guy Code’ handbook) to maintain the appearance of their status as a man. Masculinity is a performance a man must act out to express and at the same-time protect his manhood. One of the main reasons men exercise violence as an option is to show the world they’ve lived up to staying inside the socialized box of society’s standards that labels them “a man”. The pressures of the box are never more present than when men are surrounded by the company of other men, and their behaviors may or may not change in the presence of a female (depending on how much she is respected, if any).
The performance of masculinity requires constant self-critique and vigilance to make sure that no one sees misapprehension. Due to the black & white context of the box, there is no gray area. You’re either fully in or you’re fully out. When males reach the age of being able to fully perform, they’ve already internalized all the said tools needed to act out their masculinity. The ideology behind what it means to be a man is so ingrained into the psyche and core of being, that the perception of this performance appears normal, and is believed to be by mostly everyone.
Over my life span, falling two weeks short of 30 years long, the majority of the men I have met and come to know have huge hearts. They are compassionate, loving, and have an overall concern for the well-being of everyone.But, more specifically, you know who these men have the utmost devotion for? …. Women.Time after time this same majority of men (including my previous self) end up hurting a woman or women in some fashion.
Men often portray a (tough) guise as we learn from Jackson Katz. Men need to illustrate their manliness by posturing, stoicism, and dialogue (via ‘The Guy Code’ handbook) to maintain the appearance of their status as a man. Masculinity is a performance a man must act out to express and at the same-time protect his manhood. One of the main reasons men exercise violence as an option is to show the world they’ve lived up to staying inside the socialized box of society’s standards that labels them “a man”. The pressures of the box are never more present than when men are surrounded by the company of other men, and their behaviors may or may not change in the presence of a female (depending on how much she is respected, if any).
The performance of masculinity requires constant self-critique and vigilance to make sure that no one sees misapprehension. Due to the black & white context of the box, there is no gray area. You’re either fully in or you’re fully out. When males reach the age of being able to fully perform, they’ve already internalized all the said tools needed to act out their masculinity. The ideology behind what it means to be a man is so ingrained into the psyche and core of being, that the perception of this performance appears normal, and is believed to be by mostly everyone.
Over my life span, falling two weeks short of 30 years long, the majority of the men I have met and come to know have huge hearts. They are compassionate, loving, and have an overall concern for the well-being of everyone.But, more specifically, you know who these men have the utmost devotion for? …. Women.Time after time this same majority of men (including my previous self) end up hurting a woman or women in some fashion.
So where’s the disconnection? Does the heart control the mind or does the mind control the heart?
The heart I believe activates the feelings that correlate with when we’re doing something right and/or when we’re doing something wrong. Men are typically socialized to repress and not express emotions when they’re little, because showing emotions is seen as feminine (therefore not manly). Emotions are a human trait, not a gendered one.
This internalized performance of men has caused extreme distortion in the messages being relayed between the heart and mind. Making the heart desensitized to that which has been conditioned as norm in the mind.
From what I’ve learned of bipolar there are a numerous amount of ups & downs. Men I know who act like the men society has told them they should tend to ride a similar emotional roller-coaster. When they do something they shouldn’t, they feel remorse. When they find out what they’ve been doing isn’t normal behavior toward women, they seem to actively want to create change in that behavior. We raise boys to become men who are in control of their lives in every aspect. The way we show them to have control over their emotions, is to not show the emotions at all. This is a recipe for internal disaster.
The heart I believe activates the feelings that correlate with when we’re doing something right and/or when we’re doing something wrong. Men are typically socialized to repress and not express emotions when they’re little, because showing emotions is seen as feminine (therefore not manly). Emotions are a human trait, not a gendered one.
This internalized performance of men has caused extreme distortion in the messages being relayed between the heart and mind. Making the heart desensitized to that which has been conditioned as norm in the mind.
From what I’ve learned of bipolar there are a numerous amount of ups & downs. Men I know who act like the men society has told them they should tend to ride a similar emotional roller-coaster. When they do something they shouldn’t, they feel remorse. When they find out what they’ve been doing isn’t normal behavior toward women, they seem to actively want to create change in that behavior. We raise boys to become men who are in control of their lives in every aspect. The way we show them to have control over their emotions, is to not show the emotions at all. This is a recipe for internal disaster.
To be clear I’m not suggesting men need to take medicine to deconstruct the conditioning of traditional masculinity.
But….If we can touch the heart of the man and give it inspiration, it can unravel any and all negative conditioning that has been received.
J
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