One is Too Many…or is it?

This blog was inspired by the image seen below.

(Image provided by AU Green Dot on Facebook. A bystander initiative to prevent, and end power-based violence)


Where did these stats come from? Also, how can we trust the validity of these stats?

Well, that’s sort of the point of this blog. Does it really matter?!

In my work as a sexual violence prevention educator, working with men, I’ve learned to avoid using statistics while giving a training or presentation. Men get really defensive when they’re shown how one-sided the perpetration of sexual violence is, and debating statistics is not my job. Men will make excuse after excuse to try to denounce the accuracy of a statistic like: 1 in 5 women will be a victim of sexual assault while they are in college. Why do you think this is?

Masculinity is like a melding pot of privilege, entitlement, performance, judgment, and constant critiquing the status of ones (and others) manhood. For the most part, when a male hears the word “men” or “man” in a sentence the inclination is to identify with what is being said on the simple basis that he is a man. Therefore, it must be referring to him, too and now it is personal. This reaction is understandable in a society that is male-centered, male-dominant, and male-focused.

In prevention we focus on strategies that create change in beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors which foster support of sexual violence. So, the fact that I do not include statistics in my speaking engagements is rather irrelevant in my opinion. Besides, unfortunately I don’t believe there is anything that vibrates a person at their core more than a survivor’s story or experience of their own.

I think when men take talking about sexual violence statistics personal it’s important that we use this to acknowledge that they are capable of connecting with the issue itself; which when trying to engage them in violence prevention work, is seemingly the hardest for them to do. Even if their reaction is out of sheer frustration, because their privilege is being challenged, it still elicits feeling.

Privilege as we know allows men (especially those of us who are white) to glide through life without having to take responsibility for things that we think have no immediate affect on our lives. Rejection of statistical evidence is another way to dismiss being accountable for changing them.

"There are always two choices in life, either put up with the conditions as they are, or take the responsibility to change them." - Paulo Coelho

Diverting attention away from the violence itself is distracting us from addressing the root of the problem!

Before I get a huge backlash from the hyper-masculine population, let me say I wholeheartedly believe that one act of violence committed toward a man is too many, too. I’m not denying the fact that men are victims & survivors to violence as well.

I understand that statistics are a crucial element to illustrating the severity of violence, and that in turn provides funding for programs that are working to end violence, and/or providing support for victims of violence. When in society we have people that see a statistic, and completely dismiss the violence to argue the validity of that statistic ..we have a problem! This has happened numerous times in my trainings, presentations, and even on Step Up’s Facebook page. I say we leave the validity of statistics to those who need them (statisticians, granters/funders, etc.) and in the societal narrative build the foundation of our discourse on the concept that 1 is TOO many! Don't you believe one is too many?

Maybe this idea sounds absurd to some, and I’ll accept that. What I can’t find to be acceptable, though, is that a person would minimize one act of sexual violence (or any other form of violence) toward a child, a woman, or another man.

Also, check out the 1 Is 2 Many PSA here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXox6ma1gtE