Defining a "Real Man"

When we try to define what a 'real man' is we're reinforcing traditional masculine ideas or what Michael Kimmel calls 'homosocial enactment' that has shown to be a detriment in trying to prosper an overall healthy society of men. The Freudian model explains we form gender identity through our Father's perspective given he will be the first person we have to prove our manhood to, and at the same time reject the characteristics of our mother. This may still hold a little truth in some cases today.

The modern day socialization of men consists of various traits formed with the notion of what defines a 'real man.’ However, in a boy’s daily routine he is getting good, harmful, mixed, & multiple messages from different men in his life. These men may be fictional, TV personalities, family, friends, coaches, and the list can continue.

 So let us look at the definition of a 'real man.' I'm sure we each could formulate our own so I will proceed to share mine with you. A real man is anyone born with biological parts categorizing him as a male. Now, there are some who say there is a point in life they consider a boy turns into a man. Yet, I find it hard to try to narrow this down to many things other than responsible, respectful, loving, empathetic, and anything that sustains and/or promotes human well-being. Even then every one of these things could in fact be circumstantial, and not concrete.

It is seen all the time. What society or other people's perception of a real man is. Even in the field I work we see it on a regular basis. For example, April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month and there are a host of events, but one in particular called "Walk-A-Mile In Her Shoes" that has men stand in red high heels to show their support, and that they are taking a stand to end men's violence against women. This is excellent! Although, I see repeatedly with these events organizations (amongst other's) advertising these men as 'real men.' There is a plethora of different signs displaying messages or symbolizing what the definition of a 'real man' is throughout the internet, and especially on Facebook.

Sadly, socializing this narrowing definition of a 'real man' plays benefit to male privilege. When we construct & maintain a long list of labels assigning what a 'real man' is and what a 'real man' isn't we are setting up a safe guard with implications that a 'real man' has an exemplary status. The problem with this is when a man acts with behaviors that do not fit; then he is (and his behaviors are) constantly getting excused, and dismissed as ‘not a real man.’ Instead of being examined to be held responsible. It also decreases a sense of holding men accountable when we can just easily toss him off on to the not manly list.

Basically, all men are real men. Real men make mistakes, real men are good men, real men are bad men, and real men do not have to be subject to staying within the confines of a socialized definition of masculinity. .