"Boys Will Be Boys" If We Let Them!

When boys are little they start conforming to the boundaries of masculinity fairly quick. They tease, they harass, they fight, they "joke" and ultimately, they bully. When boys turn into adults, if they do any of these things it is abuse and a crime. So we have to ask, why do so many people (including professionals) turn their head to these attitudes & behaviors and excuse it with a "boys will be boys" mentality.

Yesterday morning, I was listening to Dr. Laura Schlessinger on the radio. She takes calls from various people with many different issues, and answers questions they have for her. I have not listened to her on a regular basis, but she seems to be an extremely intelligent woman. She's written a few books, and her radio show is syndicated across the nation to "approximately 9 Million listeners weekly."

A man called in, and said that his son had been facing some problems with the other kids bullying him. (Not word for word) Here's how the conversation went...

Dr. Laura: What do you think your son is doing to be perceived as a target?
Caller: Well, he hangs out with some special needs kids and stands up for them if they're getting picked on.

First of all, as if it's his son's fault that he'd be bullied, because of certain vibes he gives off.

Dr. Laura: So what type of things are the other kids doing to your son?
Caller: They threw a ball and hit him in the back of the head when he wasn't looking. He fell down, and they all laughed and made fun of him. They were having some kind of party in his class, and one of the kids picked up the cool-whip and shoved it in his face.
Dr. Laura: Well, you know boys at that age are just going to do stuff like that!

As if she hadn't already got my blood flowing by implying it would be his son's fault for getting bullied in the first place. She proceeds to say the worst possible thing she could have said!! This is accepting the idea that boys are just going to be violent, abusive, and there's nothing we can do about it because that's just the way they are. Boys are not born violent - they become violent as a result of society and what they've been taught. I've not stated this boy's age for one, I don't think it's relevant and also I don't remember exactly - I just know he was in elementary. Wait, it gets better! So, what is her suggestion to fix all of this?

Dr. Laura: I suggest you put your son in karate so that way he can walk around with a stonger (more masculine) posture so other boys will be less likely to pick on him!

GAG! So she's suggesting to instill the already ingrained (in so many boys) "guise" or front that boys carry around not allowing them to show their emotions. Because it's what social norms about masculinity tell them they have to do, and if not, then get ridiculed, scrutinized, & abused. I'm not saying you shouldn't defend yourself if needed, but this idea is giving them a false sense of self, and hindering their ability of expression in any other form than that of violence.

We've got to get out of this traditonal way of thinking. It's misleading boys, but it is also perpetuating the acceptance of violence, abuse, and bullying. It became clear to me yesterday that it is also professionals we've got to extract this sort of negative belief system from. Especially, the ones who have such a broad audience of listeners who probably think that, "because she's a Dr, she knows what she's talking about."

As adults, it is our job to create an environment for our children where this sort of behavior is not acceptable, nor tolerated!

J