In Theory!

In theory, Men are not accepted by their positive qualities, attributes or their accountability! Men are conformed through society to gain acceptance by the concept of being "a man". So the challenge is to get men to engage in changing this traditional acceptance of being "a man". Big task at hand!

I was walking down the sidewalk at school yesterday while I was on my phone txting, as usual lol! I was approaching a couple of bench's occupied with about 7 to 10 black men. As I passed I heard back-to-back comments "damn, look at that" .. "boy she don't know what I'd do to that" ..."i'd **** the **** out of her".. (Let me make something clear, I'm not discriminating or saying that white guys or any other race of male wouldn't have acted in the same manor.) So I stopped dead in my tracks, looked up and seen a girl walking about 10 or 15 feet infront of me with some low cut shorts on. I stood in my spot for about a little over a minute I would estimate, pondering if and what I should say. They didn't even acknowledge that I was there. Granted I was right in the center of them, and arms length away. They were to preoccupied gauking at the female walking infront of me. So I continued on my path, fustrated at the pathetic behaviors of these "men" and with myself for not saying anything. Why didn't I say anything? In reflection, (thinking like a man does)- I was totally out numbered and unanimously by a different race. It's a very intimidating scenario. Why do I or Men think like that? Because we think that the resolve to every and any conflict is violence. Which is completely the mind-set that i'm working to change. That doesn't justify me not saying anything, but I was so upset by their antics that it was probably best I didn't say anything, because it would have came out wrong. I walked on I felt sorry for the girl ahead hoping that she didn't hear any of those ignorant comments made. I wanted to ask her to make sure she didn't, but she had entered the building before me and by the time I did she was out of sight. So of course I felt even worse after that. In prevention we think intervene with our own safety in mind first. So, In theory was I acting with my own safety in mind first? Not taking action based on assumption that my intervening would have led to violence? I'm still contemplating my action, or lack there of and trying to come to a conclusion of whether it was right or wrong. At first glance, I think I'm in the wrong for not speaking out. Looking back, Im wondering if I did the right thing for the benefit of my safety (given it was probably a majority of hypermasculine young teens and early twenty-year-old kids).
Something I'm still battling with!....

Jeremy 8-25-09

"Ugly Truth"

Went to the movies lastnight to watch the Ugly Truth. Had no Idea what it was about, heard it was hilarious and I aslo heard it wasn't any good. Well I got everything I didn't want to see thrown right in my face. It's the perfect display of how our society sees men & women's roles and how we accept them as they are. The gender roles were played to a perfect reflection of society and making lite of it by humorization doesn't set well with me. It shows us how normalized the behaviors of Men against women are and that people are so accepting of it that they don't realize the damage it does. It had a character in there that was a man who exploited women as not good for anything but sex, and feeding to the mens already skewed believe of women as only sexual objects. The movie was a perfect example to the perception of -men only think of women as sexual objects! So therefore to make lite of what we (us in the movement) are fighting to end just perpetuates this already corrupt thought process that it's normal for men to only lust and fantasize over women's bodies, because that's all they're good for! This whole acceptance, and desensitation plays a huge role one men's view of women and contributions to sexual violence. If men view women as sexual objects, or only good for sex then they feel that women "want" it, or they have the right to womens bodies. This idea feeds into victim blaming- "if she wouldn't have worn that, then that wouldn't have happened" Well if Men wouldn't think of women as sexual objects then what she's wearing is irrelevant and they wouldnt feel like "she was asking for it" ... btw ITS NEVER THE VICTIMS FAULT. Not to mention, this guy that exploits the women during the whole movie- is doing it because he's been betrayed by women! Therefore taking his actions against women, and making it their fault. Another way of showing how men do not hold themselves accountable for their actions or behaviors because they've become so accustom to blaming others!(women in this case).. Have you ever thought if you've been through a ton of girlfriends, that maybe you're the problem? Not the women! I mean, Hello! They also have the female character (which I loved in Grey's Anatomy - Izzy) playing for one guy, but falls for the other. They had her feeding into the Men's idea that Women are suppose to be subordinant and sexually convienant for them. She started out as a good girl an realizing this guys misogynistic traits, but in the end falling for him. Another portrayal of how "women only go for bad guys" - which completely destroys our whole socialization structure in relationships. Now i'm not denying that they hit the nail on the head with the portrayal of how our society views mens & womens roles, but they also contributed to the acceptance of them- the audience told me that as well by laughing at very inconvienant times. The more accepting and the more society keeps normalizing the behavior- the harder and longer it's going to be before we see a reduction in sexual violence or violence period.

A Rant...

Day after day, I read many headlines. "Retired Police chief- Murder suicide" or "couple found dead by son- murder suicide" or "Shot Wife then shot self Murder-suicide" or "prosecutor seeks adult charges against 13yr old boy in child rape case" .. All of these acts of violence wether deadly domestic or sexual violence is committed by either Men or Boys! Everyday there's a headline or 10 that I can count on reading that a male in our society has committed another act of violence or abuse, against women and other men as well. What does this say to us as a society? What makes anyone think that we don't need to evaluate or restructure our daily techniques of teaching men & boys how to act, or behave. Who in their right mind can actually say that this isn't a issue that needs immediate attention. Deaths on a daily basis due to hypermasculine violent men. Rapes committed on a daily basis committed by hypermasculine violent men. Men are structured to have violent tendencies, be aggresive and internalize emotions. Otherwise, they're considered not to be "manly" and don't fit the "standard" of manhood qualities. Why is it that men don't realize that we're the ones leading this destructive violent nation and society that keeps reproducing rapist, murderers, & batterers? We've created such a corrupt system for victims that they can't even report without some sort of victim blaming. Either they feel they're the ones at fault, because they should've been more cautious, or shouldn't have worn that outfit, or shouldn't have said that certain thing to "lead him on" or "make him mad".. This is a FREE country, and we have FREEDOM of speach. The way people perceive things is irrelevant to factual meanings and actions taken based upon those perceptions. Male victims can't even come forward, because it's a "sign of weakness" and we will be perceived as less of a man. Just the other day I was doing a Law Enforcement training to some Cadets and one of the said "I can't just take someone pushing on me & pushing on me and provoking me" (speaking about a women).. So I asked him "Then what would you do?".. He couldn't respond... his silence spoke volumes to me. This is a fresh recruit into our Law Enforcement and his mind-set to solving violence, is to continue the violence till it has ceased. That makes me wonder if he'd even arrest a victim, if he was told by the batterer that they "were provoked" .. Why is this the unnoticed plaque? Is it really because it's easier to just ignore? If you saw what I saw everyday, read what I read everyday, then maybe you would understand how prevelant and pervasive this is. That's the majority of the problem- that most people are unaware, and the rest of it is people "just don't care". This is personal to all of us, wether you realize it or just want to ignore the fact. Someone you know and love is and/or has been affected by some form of abuse (verbal,mental,emotional,physical, or sexual)due to a male. They may not have talked about it, or may not feel they can. Us as a society have to come together as one to create awareness, restructuring of social norms, and what defines us as "men" to vastly contribute to reducing violence in our homes, school, streets, and across the world.

Sexual Assault- Idiocy

So I ran across this article
http://ijo.sagepub.com/cgi/content/abstract/53/4/454 Thanks to @preventconnect on twitter!

There was a study taken from 3 different colleges. It says:

"roughly 30% of the women and 12% of the men reported having been the victim of a sexual assault sometime in their lives. Of the assault victims, approximately 23% of both sexes stated that they had sexual intercourse with their assaulters on at least one subsequent occasion."

There's a lot of factors left out of this study! Were they drunk? If not, did they give consent? Were they coerced or manipulated? Anyway they go on in the article and say this:

"Female victims of a completed sexual assault were significantly more likely to continue being sexually active with their assailants than were female victims who managed to block the assault, while no such difference was found for male victims. This would imply that some men are using assaultive tactics to secure sex partners beyond a single sexual episode, thereby enhancing their potential reproductive success in evolutionary terms."Also, men who committed sexual assault reported having had more lifetime sex partners than did sexually experienced men with no sexual assault history. Overall, the idea that sexual assault is part of an evolved reproductive strategy is consistent with findings from this study."

Now this study was conducted by three men! Leave it to my gender to come up with this corrupted idea that "the idea of sexual assault is part of an evovled reproductive strategy" That statement is implying that Men rape to reproduce. That the only reason men commit sexual assaults would be to have kids! This is utterly ridiculous and makes me sick that someone would actually try to justify sexual assaults by calling it a "reproductive strategy" Do you think when "Joe" goes to the strip club and he's watching a nude girl dance around that he's thinking "yeah I'd like to reproduce with her" .. I mean maybe, but not literally! This theory is about the most narrow mindend and unrealistic one i've ever heard. There's so many other key factors involved that you have to take into account, such as structures of Men & Boys in the home, and socialization of Men & Boys as well! The "consistent" findings of this study are the same as every other study that i've seen. Men are the majority of perpetrators in Sexual Assaults, whether the victim is Male or Female!...


Jeremy