The quest of manhood requires an extensive training course; which can be given by many different instructors throughout your life. This course is very unique in that it never ends. You will receive many grades a long the way, most by way of pop quiz, but the one thing you’ll be relieved of in this life long process is a final exam.
A lot of people like to believe that age is something that defines a man. When a boy turns eighteen he’s old enough to go die for our country, so that makes him a man. Or the day a boy turns twenty-one, because he’s finally old enough to drink a beer. Others believe its responsibility, character, and/or values that define what a man is. Traditionalists usually hold to ideals of toughness, provider, or ‘head of household’ that gives you status as a real man. In college, your status as a man most likely depends on the amount of women you can have sex with, how much alcohol you can drink, and/or what fraternity you belong, sport you play, etc. In high school these are pretty much the same stipulations for male status minus the alcohol factor (although it can be included).
As being students of patriarchy, we become oblivious to our own work as the professor. We (men) play just as much of a role in grading other men as they do in grading us on how ‘manly’ we are. Society sets standards for men that are constantly performed for and by other men to equate a proper status quo of a ‘real man’. This is not something new to us as we enter into what the majority considers to be manhood, because we start getting messages about how to be a man when we are still only little boys. These messages teach us the privileges of trying to live up to said standards and the detriments if we don’t reach expectations. These messages also hinder us from flourishing into our full capacity as a human being.
This course is a life long course, because there is no concrete profile of a man that is exempt from having his masculinity challenged. And, a pop quiz can take place at anytime, and anywhere. In fact, challenging another’s manliness is a way for one to prove his status as a man. Adhering to strict definitions, and gender policing of the male role creates a divide between men and women. It also furthers a hyper-masculine ideology that fosters beliefs supportive of violence. This must change!
We focus as a society too much on trying to socialize a definition of a man. The emphasis placed on the difference in gender creates perceptions and ideals of one another that we are not alike, and therefore not equal. When we detach ourselves from the concept that a man has to be dominant, always in control, and unemotional we will prosper in the form of equality.
The goal and responsibility for us to produce an egalitarian society demands that we raise boys to be humans first. We must reinforce commonalities among women and men to cease the inferiority of women, and provide for them an environment that allows for equality for all.
